8 Laws of power: Dating a writer

dating a writer.

  1. Don’t date a writer

It will never be easy so don’t, just don’t. If you must, this might help.

  1. Do not ask us to write about you

A writer doesn’t write on demand, we have our own processes. We love creative autonomy, inspiration strikes from the weirdest of places. Most of the time, it is random beauty that will get our creative juices flowing.  You might be beautiful, but your beauty might lack that oomph. This is not our fault; it’s just how our minds work. Should you pressure for an explanation – you will not like it.

Furthermore, many of you have dated doctors, nurses, engineers and even plumbers. Did you ask any of them to let’s say:

Treat you?

Build you a mother board?

Build you a toilet?

No? Well, extend the favor to writers.

  1. Don’t ask us not to write about you

This could be seen as reverse psychology. Writers are very wary and we will always psychoanalyze every statement you make and don’t make. We may appear as complicated at times, yes we are.  By asking a writer not to write about you a few question will go through his/her head:

“Why would I write about you?”

“Why shouldn’t I write about you?”

“Is there something you have planned so cynical that it will trigger emotions so strong I have to write about you?”

“What are you planning?”

“Do I need to have backup plan?”

The list is endless; it will do more harm than good. This is what you should instead do, ignore the fact that we write. If we write about you appreciate it, share and tell us it was good – even if you felt we were a bit hard on you.

  1. Make everything memorable

It’s simple, if you stand out a writer will love you. Those weird quacks – aren’t so weird. Share them, once you intrigue our minds you’re forever etched into our memory. However, there is a limit to weird. If you somehow bite your toe nails and store them in a jam jar and sprinkle them on the food of people you hate – don’t share. I repeat DON’T, go visit a psychiatrist.

  1. Keep it simple

Remember, don’t try to impress us. Simplicity is complexity to us. Putting on a dress? Sure thing keep the color simple, minimize accessories, and don’t show up looking like you’re out to test the theory of magnetism with dozens of metal shrapnel hanging of your ears, neck and hands. You will end up looking like a survivor to an airplane crash. Did you see what I just did? So yes, keep it simple.

  1. We hate questions about our work

“Babe, who were you writing about?”

“Babe, was that experience real?”

You get the point, right? Do not ask us questions related to work we have done. Yes, it’s good that you read it. Yes, we appreciate the fact that it was thought provoking. But, like the hundreds out there with unanswered questions, that was what we were after. Stew over your questions, discuss it with your friends but leave us out of it.

This will save you cold answers, frequent fights and probably secure your role as a notable better half.

  1. It’s never always about you

Most of the time; we go silent, remain distant to the world and maintain this pensive mood for days on end. You might be forgiven to think that you have done something wrong – chances are you haven’t. Don’t moot over our moods, giving a hard time to yourself and consequently dogging us. We will lash out, with the wrath of a thousand bees on the honey covered balls of an Iranian terrorist. You will hate it, you will hate us, you will call us cold and heartless but it was never really about you.

Could be a character we are trying to bring to life, could be the stress of a story that’s not taking shape or we could just be empathizing with a character and their situation. So do not make it about you, keep your distance. If it’s about you we will let you know.

  1. The opposite sex always hangs around us

What can we say; we have a way with words. We do not control who reads what we write and God knows we do not control whatever emotions might be triggered (Okay maybe we can control emotion) but it is never on purpose.

When a reader identifies with a situation they identify with the writer. Sometimes the world is a lonely place and it is good to have someone that understands you. This may result in frequent texts at odd hours from fans. They may just want to pick our brains over inane issues or possibly flirt. We are never rude to fans so e will willingly oblige. Understand, this is not a threat to the relationship if you don’t make it one.

If you jump to conclusions we will jump the gun.


After it’s all said and done, writers are a whole different breed of humans. We have our own codes. We do not live by the set standards of humanity, no, we set our own standards and have humanity live by them.

Dating us is not easy, many have tried and many have failed. But trust me; it is totally worth it if you get it right.



17 thoughts on “8 Laws of power: Dating a writer

Add yours

  1. …love love this piece..well said. If only the people who attempt to date us would actually read this. i share it with the hope it reaches one or two out there


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