21st century relationships

i phone

Selfie relationship

This is a relationship where the two of you are together basically because all her friends tell her “the two of you look cute together”.
There is no depth. The only thing in common is the time you both spend in front of a mirror. Your main purpose is not companionship, no, it is creating cute profile pictures for her social media so she can illicit more likes. Dabo tap is probably her ringtone and her instagram followers make your bank account cry. In most cases you could be dating an attention whore. She will leave you as soon as she finds a better compliment to her face behind an 8 mega pixel.
However, not all couples that look good together are in a selfie relationship.

Retweet relationship

Now this is a special kind. The girl echoes everything the guy says. She has no mind of her own. She is the kind who got on twitter and missed the compose tweet option. She is down for anything the guy says.
“babe, lets go swimming” the guy would suggest
“enyewe babe twende swimming” she would reply
In such a relationship the guy has leeway to take full advantage of her ‘ignorance’. She will agree with anything and everything you do. Should she disagree she wont say a thing but smile and take one for the team.
These relationships usually end because it got boring – both intellectually and intimately. There’s something totally mundane about hallelujah lungula!

Yahoo relationship

This is basically a very complicated relationship. You have mo idea why it even exists. Anytime you meet up with friends and you tell them you’re still seeing each other they will ask why. It has run its course. It is no longer a relationship. Given it does serve some purposes of a relationship it has tonnes of unnecessary adjustments. You’ve broken up so many times, been friends, and even been friends with benefits. You need to get the hell out!!

Internet explorer relationship

Well, it never works! The relationship is just another way to find a new girlfriend. Well, you know the ‘in a relationship’ phenomenon? When it ends she always has the audacity to ask for a secomd chance but it never happens. Not till hell freezes over and santa delivers gifts to chimneyless homes in karen South. Moving on…

Adobe relationship

This is where your partner is always nagging. Always reminding you of things you need to do even though you do not wish to be reminded.Suggesting ways to improve the relationship all the damn time. The relationship is working fine and should her suggestions get ignored? It still works fine. Much like the adobe applications that require constant updating. I still use version 9.2 and my attachments get read just as well.
In the long run this is one relationship you do not want to let go off because once you update things keep getting better.

Bit torrent relationship

This is one where all your time and energy is sucked into the relationship. Much like how torrent apps suck all the internet bandwidth leaving other users frustrated. You no longer have time for your boys. You’re always busy doing something bae. Sometimes she even answers your phone just to emphasize the fact that she is with you and pass the message to the boys that they shouldn’t be calling. Your social life as you know it is non existent. Her friends become your friends. New friends undergo a more vigorous vetting process that Shollei would remember hers and see it as child’s play.

Opera mini relationship

Well, itc cause its cheap and convenient. Its probably saving you more money than your last relationship. You dont have to act cheap but you can be cheap. The most expensive thing you ever gave her was your attention. Dates are to the club where she partakes of the mzinga you and your guys already bought. Everyone likes her but as soon as your finances improve its back to the usual broads.
She ends up always hurt and thinking men are all jerks. In reality she’s not ‘cheap’ just down to earth and willing to see you through your drought of bad debt and negative account balances till the two of you can make it rain. Most get to that stage but some well… They get uninstalled.

Free version relationship
All she ever wants is commitment. You’re not sure if she’s worth it so your on the free version. To get you tied down she dresses suggestively advertising her goodies to all sundry. For her to stop you have to finally put a ring on it or at least make it official.
You’ll see her with other guys doing suggestive things and her reply will be along the lines of: “but we aren’t official”
Don’t jump the gun though take the trial for a spin and see how that works out for you. This end up in pro version or just end!

There you have it, it might not be accurate but feel free to make suggestions


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