This past week a friend send me a letter, okay not a letter an e-mail. So this past week a friend send me an e-mail. In the e-mail he said “I love the way you write. Sometimes I wish I was a writer too. You just have a way with words. You lure them out of crevices and spin magical yarns whenever you write. It almost feels as if you create an alternate world. A world you abruptly end leaving us, the reader, out in the cold.” Okay, no one sent me such an e-mail I just imagined the whole thing –but now you have an idea of how I expect future e-mails to look like. You know caress my ego a little bit, not too much. Because if you do it too much I won’t believe you and if I don’t believe you then what is the purpose of the lie?
However, I did get a message not necessarily for me though it was in one of those group chat things. Do you know what a group chat and a relationship have in common? You find yourself in both without your knowledge and when you leave someone is always offended. Apparently some lass somewhere had decided it was time to speak out against a breed of men/boys she called the fuck-boy. It was a very funny read and it actually said more about her than it did the fuck-boy. But then again I am not your ordinary reader. I read in between the lines and read in to pauses and unveil the heavy sarcasm, cynicism and any other ism you put into your work. For a brief moment I wanted to, you know, bash her. Explain that moths get attracted to light not the other way around. I mean, if someone came over to pick me up and the car was full of god-knows who drinking, smoking straight up west coasting I wouldn’t go in – it’s common sense. The truth of the matter is every guy on this god-damn planet is/was a fuck-boy. I said it – don’t let dapper suits, white shirts, silk ties and polished oxford shoes with detailed brogue fool you.
The fuck-boy as she called them has evolved. They will no longer show up in an embezzled tee, wearing a rich gang snap back and rugged jeans with dangling gold plated copper chains on their necks driving their mums car blasting 2 chainz I luv dem strippers on the evidently struggling stock car speakers. The fuck-boy (using that term very loosely) is a hunter maybe a predator. When the prey gets smart the predator has no choice but to get smarter, more cunning and equally devious and this is what the fuck-boy did.
So ladies as you check your criteria on how to avoid a fuck-boy kindly take notes:
1. The suit is a camouflage
The suit is no longer a preserve of the filthy rich. You can get bespoke made to tailor suits at roughly 10,000 shillings give or take a few thousand depending just how deep into the concrete jungle you are willing to go to hunt down a good price.
A suit is described as a modern day gentleman’s armor. But it’s important to realize that there is no commission that vets who should wear a suit and who shouldn’t. If there is, then the gentleman’s commission is the most corrupt body in the world.
With that said, did you notice that more and more less snap back wearing, jeans sagging, air max brandishing niggas are approaching you? Is the slim fit trouser, official shoes, and tie wearing man now on your case? Did you think that you changed? You’ll still put on an LBD if he asks you out won’t you?
2. Economically empowered
So according to the lass the fuck-boy by all definitions is broke. He takes her out parking lot pimping and sips on cheap liquor which she has to have a hand in buying. First off – they will probably go parking lot pimping because they spend their pocket money on the fuel. Be thankful for the little things. At least you didn’t go to the club in a matatu.
That said ladies have “financially stable” as one of the criteria in avoiding fuck-boys. After all they are under the impression they are mostly broke. Well… not anymore.
The evolution saw that the fuck-boy was getting deprived of the things he wanted based on his bank account balance. Some, not all, went out and worked their backs off starting different enterprises based on their talents. They have up-coming businesses which comfortably fund their lavish living. This means no more parking lot pimping and driving mummy’s borrowed car. He will take you and your LBD out to level eight or Sankara and open the door to his sleek mark x for you as you step out feeling like a princess from some fairy tale. You will give acknowledging looks to the host at the entrance trying to show off just how far you have come. You’ll give her that “I no longer parking lot pimp and deal with fuck-boys I got me a gentleman look” and they’ll look indifferent thinking “She has no idea. Poor girl.” It’s probably his routine now. But since you want economically empowered I guess it better being screwed over at Sankara than at oil Libya.
3. Polished and loves the finer things in life
The fuck-boy would previously proclaim his love for 2 chainz and swear how his music was truuuu (insert two chainz voice). His idea of a date was you and his cruuuu cost sharing and swapping stories of sexcapades just because his ideal girl had to be freaky and down with it.
Trust me I would also hate to be in such company so I’m with you on that. But the fuck-boy evolved because the girls were no longer buying into the bad boy image. The game changed and he had to change as well. Being economically empowered and wearing suits he developed a love for jazz, sauvignon blancs, expensive whiskey, world politics and financial investments.
His conversations are deeper than Erykah Badu on weed. He will charm your pants off, literally, and then leave you wondering what happened.
The problem is us. We all have a skewed sense of our societal roles. We believe it’s a big game. As long as it is a game we will always have winners and losers. Rules will change and they will be broken. The blame cannot lie wholly on one person.
Ladies have set criteria which have made it easier for men to manipulate them. We now know what they want and can tell if they deserve it or not. There’s a big difference in wanting to be treated like a lady and actually being a lady. If you got in to a car full of guys you don’t know and went to a parking lot at a petrol station and took cheap liquor just the LBD doesn’t make you a lady. A lady would have said no immediately they realized the night was not an exclusive night out. You will attract what you are and as I said moths fly towards light not the other way around.