Cataclysmic – I’m not even sure I know what that means. But given a guess I’m sure it has something to do with having sex for one last time with the one you love and calling your mother five minutes before an asteroid bigger than Mwalimu Andrew’s head hits earth eradicating life as we know it. That’s just my guess I could be wrong you know.
However, a group of university students think it’s 18 students committing suicide and 50 more peeing on a tree because someone failed to visit them. Okay, not just someone but the POTUS. To them that’s cataclysmic. So I decided to look up the meaning of the word cataclysmic and it basically relates to something bad or unwelcome. It got me thinking 18 people want to hang themselves for no particular crime other than being “ignored” while 50 more want to answer a call of nature next to a tree for the same reason. Personally, for the latter it’d make much more sense if they said they’d never answer a call of nature – has more impact that way. You think in all his life Obama has never changed a diaper? He probably had one of his princesses shoot a steady stream of urea, breast milk and cerelac straight onto his oversize shirt before he could afford tailor made brionni’s.
University is a place of higher learning, so I guess with it everything goes up a notch – even attention whoring. Explains why we have all these socialites sprouting up from the hostels twerking with an iron stove in the back ground wearing nothing but the leso that was given to them by the village they came from with the swahili wording “akili ni mali”.Weeks later after what their mama gave them trends on the Internet they ditch the leso for a hot pant and dump their morals for a rich old man. Weeks later they “host” club parties which everyone knows is code for “sleeps with club manager” and at the end of the day quote the greatest black philosopher alive to tell the world “only God can judge me”. It’s not the world’s biggest tragedy – yet. Until years later when your body is not so hot and the media is tired of your sixth 21st birthday and it hits you that degree you actually went to do you never did. Your friends, or who you thought were your friends enjoyed the train ride that was your fame and ditched you. They have husbands and wives, careers and businesses and are starting families. The guys have been warned from ever been seeing with you so that “bff” you had goes “mteja”. You’ll maybe bump into them on the street and they’ll treat you like a stranger unless you insist in making things awkward that’s when they’ll hug you. You’ll try and reconnect but they’ll say they’ll give you a call claiming to have never lost your number.
“I thought you were still in Dubai” he’ll say
But he will never call. Your lonely with nothing to show for it other than a sore genital, images of your nudity all over the Internet and the desire to marry a man that lives in the stone age – one that wouldn’t have heard of all your indiscretions. Now that’s cataclysmic.
Back to the 18 dead men walking. Your death isn’t something unwelcome. Heck, let’s even start a fund to buy the ropes. You’re doing the world and your university a favor. Why? Because it’s that kind of stupid thinking that has us where we are. The law of natural selection basically states that the weak will die and only the strong will survive. Me thinks this is nature doing its job and getting rid of the stupid genes. Go ahead, I dare you, nature dares you, do it! That would not be cataclysmic, no, it would be evolutionary.
For the ones itching to pee on a tree. Do you really want to pee on a tree or you’re just looking for another excuse to publicly display your genitals? Because let’s face it, that might be the only thing you have worth showing with no brains and common sense.