I didn’t sign up for this

It starts out as a fiery romance fueled by passion. You are head over heels for each other and do all the little disgusting things couples in love do.
You type away on your computer and she hangs in the background waiting and pounces on your back. Her arms will wrap around your neck and she will kiss your neck, then cheek finally she will turn you head and delve into your lips violating your mouth with her tongue. You will reciprocate and put the laptop down turning into her slowly at first before taking her in a swoon and covering her with your body. She will smile and laugh and you will playfully wrestle. You will go out to restaurants and you will order something new but she will stick with her order. Your food will arrive and she will want yours because it looks better – it tastes better and she ends up eating your meal for you. But you don’t mind you love her and after all love is about sharing.

Then come the usual motions of any relationship, the slump. You will find that every minute you spend together is suffocating and all you want to do is be away. But that’s just you nothing changes for girls, it never does. You loved how her hair smelt of jasmine and her skin lingered with light earthy flavors from that lotion she uses – one you think is too expensive. But now it repulses you, you don’t even want her to kiss you it feels nauseating bordering on repulsive so you make up excuses. Work is too demanding, the office is stressing, a project just isn’t falling into place as it should be and a whole plethora of nothings bent at keeping her at bay. Deep down you know you love her and this is just a natural defensive mechanism – you’ve never been one to settle. It has always been the norm moving on to the next one but you’re torn between letting nature take its course or braving out the rough patch.

You see the despair in her eyes when she looks into yours, she figures something is wrong but can’t quite place it. So that night she approaches you and with finality demands to know what is happening.

“What’s wrong?” she’ll ask
“Nothing.” You’ll say

She will look away and stare blankly at a wall and suddenly anger flashes across her face as she throws a pillow at you.

“Just say it!” she shouts

“Say what? That I don’t love you anymore?” you’ll blurt out

“So it’s true?” she’ll say bursting into tears

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.” you’ll make a halfhearted attempt at trying to fix things.

“Mean what? To tell me the truth?” she’ll reply.

There’ll be an awkward silence between you and she’ll let out an aggravated sigh. She’s about to blow and you can see her seething. She looks dangerous as she clenches her fist and turns to face you.

“How long?” she hisses
“How long what?” you reply
“That you’ve been living a lie!” she shouts
“It’s not a lie” you say trying to pacify her.

You slightly brush against her hand. She doesn’t lurch away but gives you a piercing look. You then brush your fingers lightly across her face as the devilish look dissipates into a desperate one. You can see the tears begin to well up so you grab her face and look her deep, deeper than you’ve ever looked until you see her vulnerable soul. You don’t hesitate you bring your face close until there’s nothing but your noses in each other’s way. You part her lips with the touch of your fingers and kiss her before the tears fall. You rouse a passion you thought had died. Her anger finally has an outlet as she rips your shirt off your back and pushes you back on the bed having her way with you. You lay breathless next to each other occasionally looking at each other. She’s smiling to herself the wild look in her eyes gone she turns to face you and puts her head on your chest. She mumbles a weak ‘I love you’ and you pretend not to hear it as you hug her tight.

Suddenly it becomes a routine, you always fight to make up. It becomes your pet peeve and you love it. Whenever things seem to perfect she picks an argument – like she knows it is the only way to save the relationship – so you go down a rabbit hole not knowing how deep you’re  falling until it’s too late. You get married. Everyone around you envies your passion and love they say the two of you are like a couple of teenagers. The only thing working in the relationship is the sex, the only communication is the shouting until she gets pregnant. All she ever does is cry all day and eat cookie dough. You want to leave but you’ll be the guy that left his pregnant wife alone, defenseless. Her moods improve and she’s no longer crying but she’s fat now she’s horny and to be honest you simply cannot get it up to the occasion. You find it weird, she’s after all pregnant and you use it as an excuse. She starts crying, you realize it’s easier to have sex with her so that night you spend the whole evening watching porn online and finally perform. You realize she got heavier, not just the baby but you keep it to yourself.

She carries to term and once the baby comes you request a transfer at your workplace. You want to be as far as possible. To compensate you send money home, a lot of it while you spend your days in the office then the bar. While at the bar you will see a young girl tending, she has a checked maroon skirt – a short one – she will serve you with a smile. You take it she always does that to all her clients. Then one day she will bring your drink and an extra one. You will say you asked for one and she’ll coyly laugh as she gingerly pulls back her bouncy red hair back. She will say the extra one is hers and that you’re buying, you will smile and nod in agreement. She will put the tray and towel down sitting right across you and open conversation. You will find out she is an English major and ha a love for words, you’ve always loved an intelligent conversation but don’t remember the last time you read a book. She’ll laugh and suggest a book by Maisie Dobbs – you don’t know who that is but you don’t argue. She volunteers to bring the book to your place so you exchange numbers and your address. Of course you exchange more than books.

Your tenure ends and you have to fly back home – to your wife and child. You bid your fling goodbye and she’s in tears, she asserts she’s never met a more passionate lover. You tell her you have a wife but it doesn’t the bit deter her. So you promise to have her visit you. You get back home and find your child growing and looking every bit like you from the prominent nose, to the flawless eyes. Your wife isn’t ‘fat’ anymore – looks like she found an outlet for her anger – the gym. That night you spend paying with the child then rediscovering parts of your wife’s body you forgot existed. You’ll once again feel at home maybe adding credibility to the life-long adage on absence and fondness. For a few months you will know bliss until one day while at work your fling will pay you a surprise visit. She’ll be wearing a crop top and short shorts with sneakers. Her hair tied back and her eyes inviting she will walk to your office leaving men’s jaws dropped and women boiling with jealousy. She’ll walk up to your door and not bother to knock, she will walk in and in your surprise she will lean over your desk exposing her cleavage as she plants a warm kiss over your lips.download girl She didn’t close the door so this little show had an undesired audience. You’ll panic and immediately jump to close the door catching a glimpse of disapproving nods from women and the few ‘you go man’ eyes from the guys. You’ll keep her locked up in the office conversing over hushed tones as she professes her undying love and you will be partially rebuking her as much as a man can rebuke an almost half naked lady. Your eyes will pore over every inch of exposed skin and you’ll get excited with desire before dismissing her and promising to rendezvous. She makes you promise you’ll show up and you do. Over the next few weeks you engage in clandestine frolicking around the city. Your wife at home is unsuspecting as appearances are being kept – after all you’re the man – it shouldn’t be too hard to handle two women now should it?

Somewhere along the line you decide to call it quits with the one that hasn’t carried your child. It dawns on you you’ve been unfair to your daughter and it’s time you clean up your act and be the man she should always know her father is. You call her and tell her you want to meet, she ironically has something to tell you as well and so you set up a meet. You let her go first, only you wish you didn’t. You’re still trying to come to terms with the fact that she is pregnant. It’s a girl she says. She’s happy as she rubs her belly and kisses you. Your wife still unsuspecting, is the least of your worries. Your choice revolves around what daughter will grow up resenting her father. It’s inevitable. This was not what you signed up for.

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