“It’s time I asked her to introduce herself but I have this feeling she just likes me doing it. I think she just likes being a girl in her own world. Maybe she thinks you guys are too harsh and might judge her so she prefers my voice. Here’s the thing in my time knowing her – she gives the best hugs. I’m not so big on the hugging thing but I’d take hers any day. She’s my hug drug. She gets my humor too and sometimes we have a whole conversation using nothing else but smileys – like today morning. With time she might come to accept you guys as her family as well but until then the shadows offer her cover. Think of her as a literary sniper. You never know where she is but each shot is a kill. Introducing Prissy – for the umpteenth time!”
My head is throbbing giving the once famous Timbuktu drums a run for their money, or is it a revelation of their hides. This has been happening of late maybe way too often and so on this boring Sunday when I almost starved to death thanks to my good friend Chris (there I finally mentioned you but of course not as a super hero but a man who almost caused my death) who was to come over and tag along some fried chicken or any other edible animal he could come across, I got to thinking about my headaches and well why I almost died of starvation.
Well let’s start with the starving. Maybe this was God’s way of punishing me for not attending church in quite a long while. Well that coupled with the death of my consciousness. Why don’t I go to church, you may wonder? I have a couple of reasons, some of which are pretty similar to yours, yes you! For starters, I get prayed for. This as dumb as it may sound is quite a valid reason for me. I have my parent- thanks mom; I don’t know where I would be without your prayers. My other good friend Francis, whom we have been buddies since primary school. At least he frequents church more than I do. As much as sometimes I have doubts as to whether his prayers get heard.
No, I’m not judgy– he’s ever gone to church hangover-ed. Just saying! But his parents did a neat job calling him Francis. Sound so saintly and I mean who wouldn’t hear out a guy called Francis, even if he says dumb stuff like he’s got more heaven points than me, he has a seat reserved on the heaven bus and I owe him prayers etc. etc.
Next on the list, my new friend who I will not mention his name for purposes of saving this friendship that will only last long before he discovers how much of an…(no autocorrect nowhere have I ever meant butthole) I am. I let him pray for me though I’m not quite sure which god he prays to. Last we discussed religion he seemed to be a real fanatic of a certain Jehovah with a local name and who also happens to be a fun of beer. Scatter your seeds brethren over the fertile land, rocks and thorny areas, you never know who the real one is, got to explore your options. Get yourself covered, you know just in case the end of the world comes and it was all a hoax or a sick joke.
I would add Chris, but he was an agent today and I’m sure “The Grace” doesn’t give allowance for mentioning people’s names! Other reasons as to why I don’t attend church: there’s one that’s loud enough, I receive the sermon from home. I guess that they are the reason why my hangovers get cured. Such loud prayers must be quite effective. Finally, I loathe the hull-a-baloo that is veiled by the fancy names and loud prayers cocktailed in hypocrisy that floods our religious places of worship.
This goes from politics in leadership, the; who wants what seat and title or who leads the parish with the highest number of attendants or is it members. The social; which is the most hype on all social media platforms, with the most fancy, new and urban hymns songs and a powerful praise and worship team to ice the cake. The financial; which branch, you know like how banks have branches, milks the most every Sunday from its generous congregants and so on and so forth.
Yes, it’s not my place to judge, but neither will I sit down and get preached to against taking wine by a fellow who I saw last night sipping a little from this same bottle. Maybe he tasted it so that he could have a clear and vivid understanding of its taste and effects, you know, in order to give real-feel sermon. Who knows? Definitely not me, I’m not a church frequenter plus they say that learning from one’s own experience is knowledge ask Eve I’m sure she’d give quite a lengthy narration. But then again, it’s said that wisdom is learning from the experience of others. So I’ll just be in my room either sipping some wine or nursing it’s effects and as the drumming of the interesting church that passes outside my building awakes me, I might join them in the singing and dancing. Enjoy their raw beliefs which they are loyal to and follow diligently. But first, let’s find me some head wrap and lengthy dress.