I hate dating

Guys you are yet to meet a writer who has a complex grasp of wit, sarcasm and cynicism all rolled into one like a rolex. But I have; and now you are about to as well. Meet Mwendwa Mbaabu; she’s unlike any other writer you have read. She neatly chooses her words; almost meticulously if you ask me. Gets her point home. All while waiting for her nails to dry. (I kid.) Here’s a piece; one she did approximately nine years ago. When I was still grappling with writing compositions for my KCPE.

She took a brief hiatus of the writing scene. A period of self discovery. A journey she says she had to take. But she’s back now. Her new home a quaint little corner of the web where she spews wisdom in the most succinct way.

Hope you guys enjoy her as much as I do.

Mwendwa Mbaabu

***

I am not good with dating. In fact I hate it. Dressing up, figuring out where to wear, what to say, what to talk about. The nervousness as you travel to the meeting spot. Sneaking a peak in your pocket mirror just to make sure your hair is all in place, that your face is not too oily or too dry, that you look right, not too slutty, not too serious- just right. Worrying if you should have worn a dress instead of jeans, after all men like the feminine types, or maybe jeans is better, because you portray the real you!

 

After all the hours spent choosing out what to wear for the date the day before, picking out the right top, borrowing your sisters shoes! Haha! You now think you wore the wrong thing. What if he comes dressed in a suit? Then he will think you’re just one of those many girls with no personal style. Whatever! So you stop thinking about it and walk to the date venue. As you draw near to the place you stop somewhere at a corner and call him, just to make sure that he has gotten there before you. You don’t want to look so desperate! Everybody knows a lady should show up for a date later than a guy! Duh! So he tells you to give him five more minutes, and you decide to walk around the block and window shop for 10 minutes. So you walk around aimlessly, feeling like an idiot, checking your watch just to make sure 10 minutes go by. After that you walk into the restaurant, and find him seated and you apologize for being 5 minutes late! Traffic you say! Yah right!

 

So begins an hour or so of ‘getting to know you’ conversation. What do you do? Where do you live? What are your hobbies? Oh I like movies too! We have something in common! The conversation is awkward and boring to say the least, each of you trying to make an impression and seem nice! You try to look like a lady. No placing on hands on the table as you have your meal, not order a burger, even though you love burgers, because you cant eat one with a knife and fork and you don’t want to use your hands and smear mayo all over your hands! So after a nervous meal, and a few laughs, he walks you to take a car home or whatever and says he’ll call you.

 

You’re a lucky girl because he likes you and you like him, and you schedule for more dates over the next few weeks. Movies, lunch, coffee etc he calls you daily and even responds to your texts. Soon you have the “can you be my girlfriend” conversation and you say yes and now you’re in a relationship! Hooray! It’s exciting to meet someone who gets you and you can’t get enough of each other. You talk till late hours of the night, hold hands in the streets, laugh and giggle like children. He even makes you BLUSH! a few months down the line the calls and texts dwindle to once or twice a week, your giggles turn to sneers and “ why cant you call me like you used to” complaints. He thinks you’re  a nag! “Cant you see I’m busy?” he says! Soon your relationship is a series of complaints and silly quarrels and more ‘I’m sorry’s” than “I love you’s”. Pretty soon you cant stand each other , but nobody wants to end things so you just keep away from each other until one of you has enough and says “ we need to talk” its not you, its me” its just not working out” BUT you’re  a lovely person!

 

Then the tears and “I’ll never date again” vows! This goes on for a few weeks or months until you meet somebody else, and since human memory is short and pain is easily forgotten, you think this may be different and start DATING again! Here we go again!

It’s a vicious cycle. That’s why I hate dating.

 

Why cant life and dating be simple! I wish love was simple. I wish dating didn’t exist. If only it was as simple as: you walk down the street one day, you meet this guy, your eyes lock! You have one conversation and you both are just sure you have met the ONE. Cut out the dating nonsense, set a wedding date, and live happily ever after. One guy, one girl= forever. It would save everyone so much hassle. No dating guy after guy, woman after woman, no heart breaks, no wasted time and money on dates and pretenses! All you have to do is just wait for the day you meet that one person who you just KNOW is the one for you! And this would happen to everybody because there would automatically be that ONE person for EACH person and you couldn’t fall for anyone else!

coffee dates

A girl can dream I guess!

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